This is what I have to say to YOU:
Dishes are a hassle. Cleaning bathrooms is a hassle. Don't even mention ironing; HUGE time-waster.
You know what?
CHORES IN GENERAL are a hassle. So if I am given the option of having a maid or two or three so that I can focus on more IMPORTANT things (like my husband & son, learning new things, cooking, volunteering etc.) then I am going to!! Sure, I looked after our apartment back in Canada but I didn't have any time to myself. My husband's food had to be ready and sometimes this consisted of making bread from scratch -- which honestly I don't mind since I enjoy baking/cooking -- the bedroom, bathroom and kitchen (plus living room) had to be spotless before he came home from school -- it was a miracle (thanks Allah) that our son didn't get a flat head because I had kept him in his little baby rocker so he wouldn't roll or crawl away while I was doing the dishes.
Real good I felt about myself, knowing that the one man I am allowed to look all pretty for got to come home and see me with a messy bun, sweaty t-shirt and sweat pants that said "Super Mom" on the butt. Yes... very nice...
It's normal here to have maids & other people working in your home. And inshaa'Allah if we go back to Canada I'll be happy to resume my role as sole-caretaker of the house.
Women who have maids, don't feel less than those who don't. And women who don't have maids, don't think less of those who do. Every home has different circumstances so I don't wanna hear that I'm somehow "neglecting" my duties as a woman. What the hell?! Uhhhhh, anyways... I gotta go prepare the lunch table so PEACE.
35 And you thought...:
im all for maids hehehe id love a maid...
dont justify urself to know one hun there just jelouse
It is totally expected in UAE culture. I think that if I lived there I would at least have someone come in a couple times a week, but I would do the day to day myself. This has more to do with my husband though and the fact that he would feel uncomfortable with a maid in the house.
who is the funny dude on the right?
Rubber
I ttly get yr point. Maids are a blessing LOL. Well though they may be one heck of a handful sometimes - okay no i was joking, MOST of the time. Way to go sista, i feel you.
A'qilah
Assalamu alaikum,
I think most people don't realize how common it is to have a maid when I was living in the Gambia every house had a maid which was really needed, here in Canada I can pretty much do all the cooking/cleaning duties but there no way don't feel bad sis.
salaam...i grew up having maids around...and now i have one...there is nothing wrong with having a maid if it makes your life easier andin todays time when we are soo busy we need to make time...take care
I'm surprised that someone gave you trouble over having a maid- I mean, it's common where you are. You would think that someone would have enough brain cells to remember that different places in the world have different norms. :/
Don't let people get you down or worked up. Comments like that aren't worth the time of day.
Cheers.
If my husband was able to pay all the basic necessities like he should and I worked, then I would consider it my full responsability to take care of the home and children. Because of limited time, I might have to pay myself for some help around the house, and I'd probably have to get some help taking care of our daughter too, which would be paid for by me (since it's my own decision to work instead of being at home to do this).
If the husband is very "well off" though, and the wife doesn't work, I think it's great for him to be able to offer this "gift" to his wife and get her some help like a maid.
And it sounds like it's a totally normal thing in the Emirates to have a maid. I don't see why anyone should feel bad about getting some extra help... Unless they are fully able and not working and without any children... Then they should really find something to do...
i see nothing wrong with having maids! I'd love to have one, just to spend more time doing the more important things in life. though if i did have one, I'd rather have her only work during the days when my husband was at work - Like Stacy aka Fahiima I think he'd feel uncomfortable as well with another woman in the house
I dont know what its like to have a maid, but it has always seemed to be a bit one sided. It helps out your family and you get more time for other things but I think about the maids and servants and what happens to their home and family while they are taking care of someone else's?
Would you still have maids if they were paid the minimum wage? Or is that something which does not exist in the U.A.E?
Btw, I'm all for maids too but more importantly I'm all for justice in the workplace, minimum wages, human rights, equal opportunities, freedom of speech....
All I have to say is can I have a maid!!!!
Candance -- It is a normal thing here. And as long as u dont abuse it, then inshaa'Allah khayr. However there is a Western stereotype that just because someone or a house chooses to employ outside help, they are "lazy" or "doing nothing". *but* i do know of some houses where the women just lay around and actually DO NOTHING!! that's a problem.
PS i just saw i spelled ur name as "can dance" LOL sorry my eyes are buggin'
UniMuslimah -- hehe thnx for the support :-) Yes I still get comments and other nay-sayers who are like "get off ur lazy butt!!". Whatever -- as if they know what my life is like!! I am in the position where I DO need extra help around the house!! I don't have time to do 6 hours of chores PLUS cooking. I don't.
Chloe, that's good!! I would also prefer to have someone come in a few days of the week but that's not an option. My husband and I also agree that there shouldn't be any circumstances where a maid can just "chill" in the same room as my husband but unfortunately not ALL maids think that way ie. current maid right now. Some go as far as thinking it's allowed to go into the bedrooms of the arbaab (sir) to chat and relax. that is a HUGE no in our books. I won't tolerate it.
Ines, we are one of the families who pay ABOVE the "minimum wage" since my husband has studied business & economics and believes 800AED/month DOES NOTHING. The companies that hire out maids have it written that 800AED a month is A-OKAY. I don't think so.
LOL @ Malek.
Hmmm Nawal that is something I have wondered too?? Who takes care of their families back home? I do know that the current maid's mother looks after her son and they live in a house together. The reason many of these women come to the Gulf -- and this is what was told to me -- is because they are not qualified to do anything else. I once asked the owner of a Maid Agency and she said that many of the women who come to work in UAE or the other Gulf states come from low-income backgrounds and did not finish even high school. Doing basic house work, looking after children and cooking are what they know and most cannot speak English.
I wish that were possible here Stacy but our lifestyle entails the help of at least one maid :-)
Rubber, that is Tarek Fatah, the spokesmen for the Muslim Canadian Congress.
I CAN'T STAND HIM!!!!
Oh I didn't know that about Gambian lifestyle, Umm Muhammad!! And I agree with your sentiments... In Canada even though I kinda struggled at times I still managed to take care of our place without a maid. Now that's sounds a bit weird since what's the diff between a home in Canada and a home in UAE? I guess the different lifestyle??
I totally agree Nanusa!! But I didn't grow up with maids but I did see my friends' have nannies who also cooked and cleaned. They were Filipina and I liked all of them except for one. She was scary LOL
HART there is a saying here by the locals in Abu Dhabi: They are a necessary evil. LOL Well I do know that if one has an attitude problem -- as in the case of my friends here both Arab & non-Arab who have employed "spoiled" maids -- it is a hardship. Usually u can just give them back to the Agency unless they are really sneaky...
LOL Skye :-P
Assalamu alaykum ;)
I defo think its a personal choice.
Salam Alaikum Aalia ;)
I too, belive that having a maid or maids is great help in any household....We cant always be supermom! we are human too, and we cant always do it all by ourselves, especially when you have children running around....I have 2 maids, and 1 child and expecting my second now inshallah....i cant imagine what kind of mess id be or look like if i had to do it all myself...not everyone is made the same, so not everyone could handle everything on thier own....
i think that salaries depend on what they are doing in the house... for example, we pay one of our maids 1500dhs and she came as a cook...but i found out when she got here she didnt know anything about cooking and rather she wanted to care for the baby, so her title changed...my second maid gets paid less, and all she does is clothes and vacuming the house, and considering she doesnt do near as much work as the first maid i think a lower salary is justified...salary to me depends on the work, and if the work is not alot, the salary will be lower...both of my maids agreed on thier salaries before we took them from thier countries and brought them here, so they had the choice to come or choose another employer... i dont think a person who does a little work should get the same salary as a person who does alot of work, and if they agree on thier salary then theres no problems...also we have to remember in thier currencies when exchanging the value goes up for some countries as their economies are weak....
In my home we give a raise every 6 months if their work is good, so thats another incentitive for them to work hard...
I dont understand why the common response is "we arent all supermoms" when you own a home, isnt it your responsibility to take care of it, the same way when you have children its your responsibility to raise them? I thought that the wife is supposed to take care of what her or her husband provides, not hire out other people to do your dirty work.
Everybody doesnt like cleaning, I get that, but if you make a mess, shouldnt you clean it up? People are talking about laundry, cooking, and cleaning like its a 24/7 job. If you live like a slob, maybe. If you dont teach your children to clean up after themselves, will they learn how to do anything on their own, or I guess they could just hire some poor person to do it for them, thus taking away from their family. Its ok to not think about the other family that is neglected and misses a mother/father as long as your meals are cooked, clothes laundered, and children put to bed.
If this doesnt apply to you, dont be offended, a lot of people raise their own kids and clean their own homes, and work. Perhaps their husbands and children actually care to help them. Didnt the prophet clean and cook in his homes? Marriage is a 50/50 deal. All the work shouldnt fall on the woman.
I dont even know what a supermom would look like, but if you have have so little time to do anything else like maintaning your home, perhaps a re-evalution of your priorities is in order.
Sorry for the rant, but Im watching two babies under 10 months old, clean, cook, watch tv, and still have time to respond to friends blogs, doesnt make me a supermom. In fact, I feel quite average. Love you moms out there, I feel your struggle, its not always easy and we could use the extra rest. But didnt we think it was worth it when we wanted kids? Didnt we know this comes with the territory? Peace out
nawal, yes it is true we should take responsibilty for our actions and we all know that taking care of our families is actually a full time job. It is a 24/7 job actually....
You cant just "check out" after 9 pm when you have children, and no, im not a slob either....I work hard to keep my home clean and my family healthy....with of course help from my maids...
i was raised by my mother without maids and i helped her when i was old enough to...but who helped my mother when me and my sister were to small to help? my grandparents we there to help..
alot of parents dont have the help of family around them to care for thier children when they need that extra help,like when they are sick or one of the children are, thats where maids come in for people like us who dont have family around to help us...
alot of women that i know here in the UAE have big homes that need more than 2 hands to clean, and large families which makes for a huge laundry hill on most days, and i refuse to be stuck behind an ironing board for 4 hours while my baby is tied to a chair leg by a shaila watching me iron all day...Id rather be playing with my children and cooking thier homemade meals and leave the ironing to the maid, whos family, btw, is very happy she has come here to work because now she is able to fill thier stomachs with food everyday from the salary she gets here....
My home is maintained by myself,my husband (does help too), and my 2 maids...We are all satisfied and happy with our roles and we all help each other...my house runs very well this way...if i didnt have that extra help something will get neglected along the way, and if having hired help means a more efficient house where everything is done at the end of the day ready for the next then so be it! Like i said everyone is different, and we are not all able to handle life's duties the same...
Dont forget in the times of the Prophet(peace be upon him) he also had servants in his home helping his wives and himself with the day to day working of the home...
In the end, the maids are getting a salary to send home to thier familes and send their kids to college,put better more nutritious food on thier tables and better clothes on thier childrens backs, they are benefiting....and so are we! my maid actually has a maid for her grandaughter ion the phillipines that she has paid for by her salary here, because her daughter has to work to make a living cuz her husband up and left here alone...so see, not all people have the same circumstances...
has nothing to do with being lazy or needing to re organize our lives... everyone has different living circumstances....
So i have to say I DO "hire out people to do my dirty work" in these above circumstances....
iMuslimah, it def. is!! Each family has their own circumstance & decision :-)
Wa`alaikum asalaam wa rahmatullah Noora!! Hmmm your mentality towards the maids sounds like mine. We pay ABOVE the average income because their currency is weak and 800AED does not really do anything...
But i think every 6 months is not a good idea and I thought about that but then, wait, the only reason they will work hard is for MONEY?? LOL i want the reason for them to be decent & do their job is because, it's their JOB know what I mean?
But I applaud your efforts :-D
Thnx for the feedback!!
Yaaaa Nawal, I don't agree with your POV just because I know my family's lifestyle and our circumstance. And many homes here in UAE have the same reasons on why we employ maids.
Like I said in the final part of my Post:
Women who have maids, don't feel less than those who don't. And women who don't have maids, don't think less of those who do. Every home has different circumstances so I don't wanna hear that I'm somehow "neglecting" my duties as a woman.
Not saying you are exactly saying that but that's what it came off to me. And actually Noora said just what I wanted to reply with her most recent response.
I'm sorry you feel this way Nawal, but thank you for your feedback :-)
When I lived in UAE with a local family on a huge farm in Al Awir we had a total of 35 servants. 30 were out and about on the farm and 5 in the house. (2 for cooking, 1 driver, 1 maid for the children and 1 man for jobs needing done in the house).
The family entertained a lot and without the help of paid staff the house would not have run that well. Life is different in UAE and its so normal to have paid staff. And as others have posted, it gives these people a decent income in most cases to provide for their families back home. I know all our house servants (the 5 not the 30)loved living with us and they also used to travel all over the world with us.
As- Salaam Alaaykum
I just wanted to make a comment on this subject after reading the lengthy responses close to the end about maids or servants. This issue can definitely be clarified really easily. Firstly the Loving and Beloved Messenger of Allah (saws)where we as Muslims get our examples from had servants(which would be considered maids in this dunya) anyways he had them he treated them very well. I could see if these following Muslimahs who had maids were mean and unfair to the maids then it would be a problem that they would have to answer to with their Lord about. Remember that Allaah is the provider of all thing. The maid got this job cause Allah willed them to make income and the households have maids by Allah's will. In the west it look as though the person with a maid has lots of money and just living large but that's not the case all over. We have to broaden our scope on life and study different regions of the world before we think that just having a maid is a big deal. When talking about set responsibilities of a wife and a mother it depends on your circumstances and the talk that you have with your husband concerning what he expects from you and what you expect from him. Just know that this world is temporary and the bigger deal is the hereafter (Jannah) where you can have anything you want and desire. Staying stuck on whether a maid makes a person better than the next is probably trivial in the eyes of Allah.(Allahu Alim). The real questioned is through having help around the house, are you devoting the extra time to Allah or to this dunya...Allahu Alim... Sisters lets us look at this world as we r travelers and continue to increase our dhikr of Allah...Ameen. Please visit and follow my blog the Muslimat MagaZeen @ http://muslimatmag.blogspot.com/
Devoted to the Dhikr of Allah
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